people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
