i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
