Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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