This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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