couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
