I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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