If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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