Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
