Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
