i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
