3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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