Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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