Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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