He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
