Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
