Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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