Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
