Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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