honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
