I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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