I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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