There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
