I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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