Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
