I don't usually arrange sex via text message
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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