you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
