Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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