Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
