we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
