So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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