You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
