D3 body, D1 cock
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
