I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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