Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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