all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
