I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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