I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
