I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Congratulations! We have a period
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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