I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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