I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
