i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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