thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you would pick up someone in the library
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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