dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
