please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
