she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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