The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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