Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
