Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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