Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
