I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
