Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
